


Phantom Pains

by Blink_Blue



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky and T'Challa have a chat, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing scene while Steve's rescuing the Avengers, Parent Death, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protectiveness, Recovery, pre-T'Chucky, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 12:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6804499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's got too much blood on his hands. T'Challa, feeling the absence of his father, and with the weight of a nation on his shoulders, offers him refuge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phantom Pains

“Where’s Steve?”

His voice sounds hoarse to his own ears. His body aches and groans in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. He thinks there might be dried blood caked in his hair. And his side–his left side–feels wrong, like there’s something missing. Because something is missing.

Shakily he pushes himself into a sitting position with his good arm. The world spins slightly as he straightens. And when he lifts his head, he sees a glass of water, held out to him by the king of Wakanda. 

He glances at it warily for a moment before he takes it, and downs nearly the entire thing in a single gulp. 

“The Captain is rescuing your friends,” T’Challa informs him. “He will return soon. He told me to look after you while he was gone.”

Bucky swallows and drops his gaze. “I don’t need a babysitter,” he mutters under his breath. “I was fine for two years on my own.” 

_Until…_

“The Captain insisted–”

“Did he ask you to make sure I didn’t wander off?” Bucky asks with a glare. “Or cause anymore trouble?” He says bitterly. 

T’Challa’s eyes widen slightly–he’s not used to people cutting him off. But he quickly recovers. “The Captain wants to make sure you are safe and protected.” Bucky doesn’t seem to like that answer. But he does accept it, and he falls silent once again, simply dropping his gaze to his lap.

“Do you need anything?” T’Challa asks softly.

Barnes’ grey blue eyes turn up to watch him once again. “Why are you being nice to me?”

T’Challa slowly lets out a breath through his nose as he carefully considers his answer. He steps closer and notes the way Barnes’ eyes follow his every movement, carefully watching and calculating, always ready for a fight. But T’Challa only takes a seat next to him, a mere few feet of space between them. 

“You didn’t kill my father,” he says solemnly. “I made a mistake. I know you were nothing more than a pawn in another man’s game. I know you are innocent.”

Bucky scoffs. It’s dry and humorless, nearly catches in his throat. “I might not have killed your father,” he says, shaking his head. “But I’m far from innocent.” He carefully watches the other man, who stares back silently. “What do you know about me?” He asks softly.

“I know enough,” T’Challa replies. “I know during your time in HYDRA’s hands, your actions weren’t your own.”

“Still my actions,” Bucky says quietly. “Still my hands that killed all those people.” He closes his eyes, as if begging silently to forget. “I still see their faces. Screaming, begging, crying. I remember… I remember them all.” He licks his lips which are painfully dry. “And Howard,” he murmurs. “God Howard…”

“Stark’s father,” T’Challa says softly, recognizing the name.

“I knew him,” Bucky says, his voice choked. He’s not sure why he’s telling a stranger this, but he needs to get it off his chest. And Steve… he can’t burden Steve with any more than he already has. “Back during the war, before… before. I knew him. He was my friend. But that night when I kill him, I didn’t know him then. But he recognized me. And he called me Sergeant Barnes. Those words meant nothing to me. I still remember the fear in his eyes. He was my friend, and I killed him.”

It’s not often that the prince–king of Wakanda finds himself without words. But he tries to imagine the horror, the pain of what Barnes has been through. Knowing that a friend died at his hand. That dozens, maybe even hundreds of people are dead because of him. Because bad men took his will, his agency, and his mind. And made him perform unimaginable horrors. “It’s not your fault,” is all he manages to say. 

“That’s what Steve says.” Despite the gravity of the conversation, Bucky can’t help the small grin that pulls on his lips at the very mention of the other man’s name. “And a part of me believes it. I’m not an idiot. I know I didn’t want to do those things. I didn’t want to kill those people. I didn’t know what I was doing–I didn’t even know my own name. But I did them. And a part of me believes I need to pay for it.”

“Steve… He believes you’re a good man.”

Bucky shakes his head. “Maybe I was.” There’s a wry grin on his lips as he remembers. “I’m not that person anymore. I stayed away from him. I couldn’t face him after what I did. I know all he wants most is his friend back. But I’m not that person anymore. I don’t know who I am,” he murmurs softly. He spent two years on his own, trying to remember himself, trying to figure out who he is, or was… He hasn’t come up with much.

Some time passes before either of them speak again. There’s not much to say. What Barnes has been through, T’Challa doesn’t even know how to begin to fix it. He doesn’t know if it can be fixed. 

Eventually Bucky speaks again. “What’s going to happen to me?” He asks softly as he turns his head to glance at the other man. “I know Steve. That dumb idiot’s not going to let them take me. And I’m too dangerous for them to let me go.”

“I have a few ideas,” T’Challa says softly.

“The stuff they did to me, it’s still in my head.” Bucky growls softly. “I’m dangerous. And I’m scared,” he whispers. “I’m terrified. I’m terrified of losing control again. Of waking up one day, with more blood on my hands, and memories of screaming faces–” He breaks off and looks away.

T’Challa watches as tears stream down the other man’s face. He’s not used to feeling helpless. So he can’t even imagine how the other man must feel. He reaches out a hand–he wants to offer comfort–and gently places it on Barnes’ and gives it a soft squeeze. 

“I’m so tired,” Bucky says softly.

“You will stay in Wakanda.”

Bucky glances up at him. “What?”

“You will stay with me, in Wakanda. I will offer you sanctuary and protection. No one will harm you. And you will harm no one.”

Bucky takes a shaky breath. He sniffs but doesn’t bother wiping his tears away. “You know I don’t deserve your kindness,” he croaks.

T’Challa gives him a small grin. “It is not about what you deserve. It is what I offer you. You are not to blame for this… Bucky.”

Bucky swallows at the sound of his name spoken from the other man’s lips.

“You will be safe.” 

“Thank you,” Bucky whispers. “But no one will be safe, until I get what HYDRA did to me, out of my head. Can you help me with that?”

T’Challa’s expression hardens. An inexplicable anger grows in him at the thought of HYDRA and what they did to the man before him. His hand clenches into a fist at his side. He can’t explain it, but he desperately wants to help the other man. And he will offer him whatever he needs. “I’ll do everything in my power to help you,” he says honestly. “And I’m a very powerful man,” he adds with a small grin.

Bucky grins softly in return. As strange as it is for him to smile, T’Challa thinks it suits him well.

“I’m sorry about your father,” Bucky suddenly says. 

T’Challa closes his eyes, the pain is still fresh. It’s hard to believe with everything that’s happen, that it’s been mere days since his father’s life was taken from him. “Thank you,” he says softly. He thinks of the white-hot anger at the man in front of him, when he thought he had killed his father. He thinks of Zemo’s words, and when he handed the man over, a cage waiting for him. Death would have been too easy. “The man who did it will pay for it for the rest of his life. It’s little consolation for what was taken from me. But he will never hurt anyone ever again.”

“A lesser man would have kill him,” Bucky says in a low voice.

“My father taught me to be a king,” T’Challa says simply. Absentmindedly he turns the ring around his finger, still not used to extra weight. “A king must be strong, a protector of the people. But sometimes that strength must be in diplomacy and compassion, not in battle.”

Bucky watches him with something akin to awe in his eyes. A small grin spreads on his lips that the king returns. Eventually, Bucky relaxes his head against the wall behind him. His eyes close and his face morphs into a mild grimace. 

“Are you in pain?” T’Challa asks, concern in his voice.

“My arm hurts,” Bucky murmurs softly.

T’Challa leans around him and glances at what’s left of the limb. Jagged, burnt metal pieces and frayed wires protrude from the shoulder.

“Your arm’s not there,” he says bluntly.

Bucky lifts his head and rolls his eyes at him. Such a human reaction, T’Challa thinks to himself. 

“Phantom pains,” Bucky growls. “It hurts.”

T’Challa nods at him softly, a gentle smile on his lip. “When we get to Wakanda, I’ll have our best doctors and engineers look after you.”

Bucky blinks. He’s still not used to kindness from anyone but Steve. Especially not from someone who’s tried to kill him multiple times in the past few days. “Thank you,” he says softly. “You don’t have to be so nice to me. I appreciate it. Really.”

T’Challa nods. “You should get some rest. Get your strength back.”

Bucky nods in agreement, closing his eyes. “I’m so tired. So damn tired.”

T’Challa has a feeling he means from more than just the physical battles he’s fought in the past few days.

“I will watch over you,” he says softly.

Bucky smirks. It makes him feel a bit like his old self again. “That sounds creepy.”

“Get some rest, Barnes.” T’Challa says as he stands. 

Bucky slowly, carefully lies down in the space T’Challa had previously occupied. “Call me Bucky,” he says softly.

T’Challa smiles gently. “Okay. Get some rest, Bucky.”

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com)


End file.
